It's fall already

Things are moving right along. Today, I start my 4th (out of 9) term towards my Masters of Science in Nursing. YEAH!!! I should be a midwife by the summer of 2012. I am now working on the Mother Baby Unit at CB. Very busy and still working nights. My body doesn't do too well working nights, but such is life right now. Erickson and Violet are in kindergarten and oh so cute. They seem to be enjoying it and I love to hear their stories. Little Love just hangs out at home.
In my continuing journey to find balance in my life, I have resigned from all of my committees at work. IT was just too much. Once again, I find myself searching for ways to simplify and be a more positive person. So, hopefully that should help. I think I am through the hardest part of school and now all of my classes are midwifery related. I love that!
I'm now focusing more on next summer when I will begin clinicals. That will really be incredible. Not sure how we are going to do it financially, but we will figure it out. Feeling pretty up beat today!

Pregnancy

For some strange reason, I just figured this up.

I am pretty sure I conceived Violet on Sept 19th. Let's say around eleven PM. Then I had Violet on May 23rd at 09:42 AM. So, I think I was pregnant with her for 5915 hours. That's how long it took me to grow Violet.

10 years

I love my husband. He is awesome with the kids and doing EVERYTHING while I'm in school and working full time. (Well, I do the laundry.) But, he is awesome and I appreciate him so much. This is our tenth year wedding anniversary. I wish we were going to Scotland and Ireland. Maybe for our 20th!! This year, I think we will still be in diaper land.

Schools a grind, but I'm hanging in there. I love what I'm studying, but REALLY would rather be playing with my awesome kids. Eyes on the prize. 1 more year of book work! Then clinical rotations!!!!

mother of 3

I love my kids so much that I don't ever want to go to work....EVER.
Seriously. I am so spoiled. I just want to do my school work, hang out with kids and keep my house a LITTLE neater.

I can't imagine a time when, on my death bed, I would regret any time spent with the kids. IN fact, I probably will regret the time I spent at work not rocking my kids to sleep. I can work when I retire! I wish you could retire first, when your kids are really little. Then, when they go to college, you could crank up the working again.

I miss them. I miss them so much. I've cried more in the last year than I have in the last 10. I can just look at my kids and I tear up. How can you just have your heart walking around? I want to sit and read to them and play and do "school", etc. Instead, I'm grouchy. But, I wont' dwell on that. Today was a good day and I spent the better half of it just being with my kids. I hope to do that again tomorrow. They are so freakin' awesome. And I love it when Violet starts telling a story and runs out of breath and has to take a DEEP breath in and keep going. It hurts it's so cute. Erickson is coming along with his English. He is a little jibber jabber too. I just can't wait until he is fluent! Love, just says "LOOK!" about 50 million times a day. He's just putzing around doing his own thing.

waiting

As I read, Oh the Places You'll Go to Violet tonight, I realized that I am a waiter...

Waiting for the boys to get here...
Waiting for my paycheck...
Waiting for this paper or that test to be over...
Waiting for spring....
waiting to get a NEW car....
waiting for Love to be potty trained...
waiting for E to speak English...
waiting to not have to be a nurse anymore...
waiting to go work at the birth center in Denver....
waiting to sleep....
waiting to have an un-interrupted conversation with my husband
waiting to find time to finish my taxes....

I am REALLY sucking at being in the present moment!!!

This is obviously my life lesson. I'll probably live really long, because I'm not even close to practicing mindfullness. I'm too busy planning what mountains I will move.... I have so many plans and so much energy. I want to do so much. I'm interested in enough to keep me busy for 50 lifetimes.
In one life, I'd love to be Jane Goodall like. In one, I'd be an artist, in one, I'd be married to a rich doctor, in one, I'd be a rich doctor, in one life, I'd be a hospice nurse, in one life, I'd be a midwife (oh wait, that's this one), in another life, I'd be a master gardener, in one life, I'd be Hawaiian, in another, I'd work in a lab. I'd love to have big boobs in one of those lives. That would be fun. I'd definitely have to be a bad-ass in one life. It would also be fun to enjoy cooking in one life. In one life, I'd be a linguist and be fluent in at least 4 languages. I'd definitely like to be a photo-journalist (not a photographer like propping up kids with small fuzzy animals). In one life, I'd love to be one of those people that feels fine on 5 hours of sleep a night. I'd love to be Irish. I'd also like to be a man in one of those lives. It would also be fun to be an incredible athlete.... SO MANY COOL THINGS IN THIS FREAKIN' WORLD.

I'll be really sad when I die because I'm pretty sure I won't be done living yet.

My house husband

I LOVE working. We are so busy everyday. Today, I didn't even sit down for lunch until 3:30. The days go by so fast. LOVE IT!!! John is officially retired and home with Violet. I love it. He's so great at staying home. He cleans, plays with her and makes my meals. I never was able to pull that off when I was home with Violet. It's the best of both worlds. It really is fantastic. Violet is constantly being stimulated, disciplined by a loving parent, and loving life. How long can we do this attachment parenting thing? In our 8.5 years of marriage, this has been the best combination. I work, John at home. Now we just need to get the boys home!

Work

Wow...working in a hospital is like living in another country. I've got to learn the ins and outs of the culture. What is acceptable, what is not. Who I can trust, who I can't. I'm still amazed how some human beings treat other human beings. It's been a bit disappointing.

On the other side, I love helping clients.